REDNECK CHRISTIAN COUNTRY
THE DOORS ARE NEVER LOCKED.
THE CALL TO WORSHIP IS "Y'ALL COME ON IN!"
PEOPLE GRUMBLE ABOUT NOAH LETTING
COYOTES ON THE ARK.
THE PREACHER SAYS, "I'D LIKE TO ASK BUBBA TO HELP TAKE UP THE OFFERING"--- AND FIVE GUYS STAND UP.
OPENING DAY OF DEER SEASON IS RECOGNIZED AS AN OFFICIAL CHURCH HOLIDAY.
AFTER YOU READ DOWN THROUGH THE REDNECK
COUNTRY QUIPS, PERHAPS YOU'LL RECALL
SUCH A PLACE IN YOUR CHILDHOOD.
CHRISTIAN, CARING AND FAITHFUL SEEM TO
APPLY TO REDNECK CHRISTAIN PEOPLE .
THEY SEEM TO BE "THE FAMILY OF GOD."
This page was last updated on: July 25, 2009
A MEMBER REQUESTS TO BE BURIED IN HIS 4-WHEEL DRIVE TRUCK BECAUSE, "I AIN'T NEVER BEEN IN A HOLE IT COULDN'T GET ME OUT OF."
IN THE ANNUAL STEWARDSHIP DRIVE, THERE IS AT LEAST ONE PLEDGE OF "TWO CALVES."
NEVER IN ITS ENTIRE 100-YEAR HISTORY HAS ONE OF ITS PASTORS HAD TO BUY ANY MEAT OR VEGETABLES.
WHEN IT RAINS, EVERYBODY'S SMILING.
PRAYERS REGARDING THE WEATHER ARE A STANDARD PART OF EVERY WORSHIP SERVICE.
A SINGING GROUP IS KNOWN AS "THE O.K. CHORALE."
THE CHURCH DIRECTORY DOESN'T HAVE LAST NAMES.
THE PASTOR WEARS BOOTS.
FOUR GENERATIONS OF ONE FAMILY SIT TOGETHER IN WORSHIP EVERY SUNDAY.
THE ONLY TIME PEOPLE LOCK THEIR CARS IN THE PARKING LOT IS DURING THE SUMMER, AND THEN ONLY SO THEIR NEIGHBORS CAN'T LEAVE THEM
A BAG OF SQUASH.
THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A "SECRET" SIN.
BAPTISM IS REFERRED TO AS "BRANDING."
THE RESTROOM IS OUTSIDE.
THERE IS A SPECIAL FUND-RAISER FOR A SEPTIC TANK.
FINDING AND RETURNING LOST SHEEP IS NOT
JUST A PARABLE.
YOU MISS ONE SUNDAY MORNING. BY 2 O'CLOCK THAT AFTERNOON YOU HAVE HAD A DOZEN PHONE CALLS INQUIRING ABOUT YOUR HEALTH.
HIGH NOTES ON THE ORGAN, SETS DOGS IN THE
PARKING LOT TO HOWLING.
PEOPLE WONDER WHEN JESUS FED THE 5,000 WHETHER THE TWO FISH WERE BASS OR CATFISH.
IT'S NOT HEAVEN, BUT YOU CAN SEE HEAVEN FROM THERE.
THE FINAL WORDS OF THE BENEDICTION ARE,
"Y'ALL COME ON BACK NOW, YA HEAR!"
